“We are never so vulnerable as when we love.”
-Sigmund Freud-

Relationship and marriage counselling is for individuals and couples who need to make changes in their present situation. Distress may be caused by difficulties in communication, growing conflict, difficulty with acknowledging or expressing feelings, sexual problems or a range of other factors. This work can help you understand and come to terms with the challenges you are facing in your relationship and help you to work towards your own solutions. Counselling is a positive first step in rebuilding your relationship.

Conflict over differences

Relationships and the process dynamics at work in them are very intricate and complicated. There are many layers to each as each person brings their unique histories, values, needs and ideas about what relationships should look like and their own experiences in them. Most of the time these individual realities do not match their partners. These differences do not mean that you are not meant for each other. What they mean is that the relationship may require building strengths in areas that allow it be a safe place for these differences to be understood and to coexist. When partners do not find ways for this to happen it can cause gradual disintegration of communication, destructive defensive positions and eventually, as a coping response, withdrawal and even checking out of the relationship (by at least one of the partners).

Emotional disconnection

Although many couples tell us that they mostly fight over money, kids, responsibilities or sex they say that the most difficult thing is that they can not communicate. Most often they feel the solution rests in their partner needing to change what they are doing in some way. Beneath what is visible is the significant reality that they both feel emotionally disconnected and isolated. Behind their defences there is the important often unconscious question, “Do I matter?”. Feelings around this question are at the core of most of our distress and most fights. In relationships we are meant to be in the shelter of each other with safety, acceptance and understanding but when our partner is unavailable and distant we can plunge into emotional turmoil and go through emotions such as anger, hurt, sadness and above all fear. In my work I create an environment where a couple can change the way they relate to each other, open up and allow themselves to be more vulnerable again and re-establish their emotional bond.

Extra- marital Affairs

Relatonships often undergo serious attachment injury when an extramarital affair (emotional or physical) occurs. Because the experience is so traumatic the process for recovery can become like steering a ship through the storm. Healing, however, is very possible. Careful guidance in a safe environment is of great importance in this process. Individual responses are very complex as both partners undergo intense internal distress. Couples in this situation require, first and foremost, a secure and safe holding environement to help them contain emotional turmoil and destructive exchanges that charactorize the initial reactions to the discovery of the affair. Special processes are then required to help move through the difficult feelings and the process of healing.

Complexities of Blended Families

Another distress that couples come to therapy for is the distress inherent in blended family situations. Couples often wish to learn how to navigate the complexities of blended family dynamics as a team. They often want to learn how to provide support and understanding to each other and deal with their different positions in terms of their roles, divided loyalties and parental styles.

Other Distress

Additional challenges that bring couples to therapy include job loss, multiple relocations, physical injury or illness, family conflict, and addiction, among others. Regardless of the cause, strain within a relationship can create tension, resentment, and other difficulties. When left unaddressed, these issues often worsen over time and may lead to unhealthy coping patterns, emotional withdrawal, or even disengagement from the relationship. Relationship stress can also affect other areas of life, including work, extended family relationships, and friendships.