Missing Conversations

“People start acting in crazy, confused, offenseive and desparate ways, when they are unable to say important things that they need to say” Daniel B. Wile

The common belief is that to be in a good relationship partners need to have common interests, get along, have common goals and sexual compatibility. It is based on these denomimators that we usualy judge our relationship as being satisfying or not. When one of the partners feels unhappy, needs like “getting along” and not being satisfied then become a reason why a relationship goes sour. What partners dont realize is that what is actually missing are certain conversations. Conversations, where the couple talk about their worries, wishes, fantasies, and disapointmetns, particularily those about their relationship. There have to be conversations about the perpetual relationship issues. One might think that talking about these things can create more distance but the point is that by confiding to your partner you are breaking out of shutting down, being cut off and/or struggling in isolation; efforts that contribute to disconnections in the first place. Expressing fear, worry, anger and disappintment can diminish or elinimate those fears, worries, anger and disapointmetns. As Dan Wile says, “Whenever you find yourself less satisfied with, less in love with, less turned on by, more walled off from, more digruntled with or more bored with your partner, look for feelings, wishes and worries or complaints that you are not telling him or her and that she or he is not telling you and see if there is the way to talk with your partner about them.”